Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
