in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
