OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
