Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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