wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
