Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
