im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
