Don't you send me to vm
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
