The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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