dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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