I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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