Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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