So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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