Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
