You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
