i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
