i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
