I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize