Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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