went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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