I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
