My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
