Sponge bath it is.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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