I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
