Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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