then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
