There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
