I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
