brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
