So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
