Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
