I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
