I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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