I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
