im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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