This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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