i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
