Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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