I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
