Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
