my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
