I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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