Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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