either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
