He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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