oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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