I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
