now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Drake has all the answers
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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