Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
