seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
