i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
