it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
