I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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