Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
