Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
