I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
