I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
