I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
