looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
