There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
