he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
