I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
