i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize