Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
