Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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