I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
