I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
