So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
operation have a gay friend backfired
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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