yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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