Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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