This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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