Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
