I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't turn off my feet"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
