We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
