would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
