I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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