I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
