Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My legs feel like baby dolphins
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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