why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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