I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
