They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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