i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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