I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
