They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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