you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
