I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
