I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
