And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
